Being Neighborly

I wrote a newsletter about being neighborly. I suggested writing thank you notes to people in your community. Many of you agreed with me and responded! Here's just a few responses:


From Grace:

Hi! I like this idea!  I like to welcome new neighbors with homebaked goods and my phone # in case they need something before they have more connections in our small community of Dunsmuir,  Ca. Thank you for continuing to inspire us to be more neighborly in an increasingly less trusting society. Warm Regards, Grace C. Sanchez

Leslie Casey from a small town in NH wrote:

Things people can do to be more neighborly - an interesting question. 

 

I find I can generally tell what kind of reception I am going to get before I knock on a stranger's door, just by what the house is communicating to the world. Too many homes set a tone for anyone who passes by that strangers are unwelcome, and that the people who live there are unhappy with their lives. Do they mean to reveal that about themselves, and could more neighborly behavior actually make them happier? 

 

Signals that the folks who live in a house are neighborly:

· There is an obvious, functional front door and a path to it. It is not blocked with potted plants or other objects. It is not around back off a second-story deck, nor is it accessible only through a locked garage.

· There is an ornamental plant or other decorative item visible, even if the house is otherwise poorly kempt for whatever reason(s).

· When answering the door, a large growling dog is not allowed to nearly push its way out. Also, signs threatening violence are not in evidence.

· The person answering the door presents a calm, pleasant demeanor, however fake or brief, to allow the caller to introduce themselves and explain the purpose of the visit. If they feel they need to get tough after that, then fair enough.

· Conversely, they do not frantically try to put you off with details of whatever personal crisis they may be in the middle of at the moment. It is not appropriate or necessary.

Generally, people could be more neighborly by exhibiting, or at least mimicking, well-socialized behavior.

 

I had a teacher who shared an example that has stayed with me. She was from a small town in France where her father was the mayor. Though he was not wealthy, if a stranger came to town and unexpectedly needed a place to stay and a meal, it was the mayor's duty to welcome that person to his home. Now that I own an old farmhouse on a dirt road off the center of town, I always ask myself whether a stranger in trouble would choose my door. The answer is, I believe, "yes." Though it is not "showy," people always seem happy as they pass by our welcoming house. They often smile and wave, or drive extra-slowly to take in the peaceful scene.

 

A final thought - I am reading Jane Jacobs and her critique of mid-century urban planning. I realize now that many Americans spend their lives in houses that are designed to disengage the occupants from passers-by. I think that has warped our sense of neighborhood and made us afraid of the people around us for reasons we can't even articulate. Hence the overall poor socialization. We don't get any practice at it! How can a stranger become a friend if I never see them or interact with them?

 

That's all I got.

 

Keep up the good work.

 

Leslie 

Sullivan, New Hampshire

My answer:

Hi Leslie,

Wow - there's a lot to dig out in that email. Thank you for putting so much attention on the subject. 

 

I have a rescue chihuahua who feels it is her inherent duty to protect me from all real and imagined terrors. Doorbells and people knocking send her into a tizzy. Her barking frightens any possible visitors (and some neighbors.) Would I get rid of her? No. She has been a loving companion these last 3 years, and after several times meeting someone she calms down. I think of her when I hear dogs barking as I visit someone. 

 

I do like the idea of having your home represent a welcoming attitude. It's the little things isn't it? Yard cared for, perhaps some plants or decorations on the stoop, a wreath on the door -- it doesn't have to be fancy. Again though, we don't know if the residents are able or can afford to do those things. Which in my mind is just another great reason to reach out to them and be neighborly! 

 

As far as mimicking well socialized behavior - that's open for discussion too. What you and I might think is appropriate, someone else may not. Is it an age difference? Maybe. It might be a geographical difference as well. 

 

I know I've presented both sides of the argument here. That was intentional. I do know community happens when people talk to each other. I'm looking for ways to take a small step and create a path to conversation! 

 

Thanks for sharing about Jane Jacobs. What a great mind! I wish I could visit with her about thoughts on rural design. She did focus on urban. I think you do have a point about how we've created moats around our homes though. 

 

Finally, I so love that you choose to live in a town of just over 600 people! Thank you for the email, and for getting me to think a bit more on a Friday night. 

 

Be well,

Deb 

 

p.s. one more thing - take a look at my friend Shawna's front yard garden. Oh that more people would do that! https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2zkyad 

 

From Naren

appreciate your work, working hard to be a good neighbor and a better person.

 

cheers

Naren

From NZ

 

 

I love this idea, Deb! I am a big believer in the power of a handwritten note. I write a thank you (and not just a 2-sentence note, although there is nothing wrong with that!) for every single order I get for my home business. People really appreciate that.

 

One other fun little idea – you know how so many people leave shopping carts out of the cart corral? When I’m walking IN to a store, I try to grab one of the strays and bring it in. If many people did this, soon the parking lots would be uncluttered and the poor overworked “cart cowboys” would have an easier job. J

 

My two cents!

 

Myrna

From Catherine

Love this!

 

Catherine Sak

Executive Director

Texas Downtown Association

 

 

I recently started a 40 minute commute and am using that time to check in on people with a phone call. In the past I have made excuses why folks probably don’t want to talk to me, they are probably busy it’s 5pm or it’s too early at 8:00 a.m. etc. However, I’m brave and have just been going for it. I figure if they don’t want to talk to me they won’t pick up the phone. So my challenge is each week call one new person even if for 5-10 minutes to say hello I’m thinking about you. Old friends, grandpa, my friends in hospital, etc. I have found that the more calls I do, the easier it gets to press call. It takes a friend to be a friend still rings true today. I’m hoping this small phone call is the chance to keep the connection and be able to invite folks over and share in person experiences too, but it has to start somewhere.

 

Melissa, an introvert who still needs people in her life. 

Mt Ary MD

 

You could also use Send Out Cards for this idea.  Take a picture of a garden or business window and send out a card with the compliment.  

 

Angela Bobier

 

Sent from my Bell Samsung device over Canada’s largest network.

Backus Page House Museum Tyrconnell Heritage Society 

From Deb: 

We had a random group of ladies that would drop off a wine bottle and note to a new friend/neighbor  that was suggested to them. The group just kept growing and growing with each new name. Wine fairies they called themselves. 

I wish we could bring back a new form of the Welcome Wagon idea. Maybe this is it. 

Deb Landy 

Sayre PA 

Sent from my iPhone